I am your Mom. I suppose that's not news to you and you may have been waiting the last 20 years for me to finally acknowledge you, but I thought in the interest of clarity, I would say it anyway. 

 It is my hope that you have become good friends with Jesus. I am only learning to be a good friend to Him and it is He who we have to thank for this opportunity to be reunited--or really, it is our opportunity to be united for the first time because Jesus placed this journey to you in my heart.

 So, I think I have a bit of explaining to do. 

Until I met Jesus, I didn't even realize I could have a relationship with you. When I chose not to bring you into this world, it was out of fear that I could never be who you would need me to be. 

You have two siblings who are in this world. They don't know about you yet, but I pray you will all be reunited in God's love one day. 

I want the 3 of you to know that though my mind wasn't aware of your ever-present spirit all these years, my soul certainly was. My choices caused a profound emptiness within me, which I can only continue to ask God to fill. 

It is also important to me that I tell you how very much I love you. You know it is a strange thing to be in love with someone you haven't yet met, but it is a true and very real love. You are a part of me and I carry you with me everywhere. I am eternally grateful to Jesus for making your souls known to me and for allowing me access to a relationship with you. With my prayers and much love, Mama. 

(A Project Rachel woman from 2017)