(Project Rachel heard from a mother who shared with us that her daughter was suffering emotionally following an abortion and of course she was concerned for her well-being.
However, the mother was also suffering because she had reluctantly participated in her daughter’s abortion having driven her to the appointment. Afterwards she told her daughter …‘You don’t know what pain this has caused me.)
She wrote to us asking what more she could do to help her daughter heal.
If and when the opportunity presents itself, you may want to apologize to your dear daughter asking her to forgive you for adding any more pain and hurt to her situation "I am sorry for anything I may have said or done that added any more to your pain and hurt." And nothing more, unless she asks you to explain yourself, then say "For the times I let the focus be on me rather than on you" (when you told her this hurt you too --- be willing to take it back and not own any of the pain.)
Right now, her pain is overwhelming and she needs someone to ‘hug’ her with listening and not reminding her of their pain. She is so upset that no one else's pain even enters the picture. She is not able to handle anyone else's pain, because she can barely handle her own pain. It is as if she has a huge gash on her arm and you have a paper cut on your finger. Even though both of you may have pain, she feels that her pain runs deeper and needs more healing than yours.
She can’t see past her pain to help others, yet she so needs her mom to look past her own pain to help her dear daughter with compassion and self-less love.
And even if she does not offer forgiveness, that does not matter. You are offering her the opportunity to hear that you realize that you may have added to her pain and that most certainly was not your intention. She needs to hear that you care more about her situation than your situation (hurt). And just from what you have told Project Rachel, you most sincerely want her healed more than you need/want any sympathy or understanding for yourself from her.
Our Project Rachel support team continues to offer you, the grandmother, all the support you feel you need regarding your involvement in her choice. We understand and acknowledge your need for healing and we are here to 'hug' you with help and support so you will not have to face this alone.